Don’t ever make someone a priority when they only make you an option.

I have come across this quote many times and I’m not sure who said it so if you know please tell me. However, it makes me think about people and relationships. Both platonic and romantic. It can be so easy to give, give, give and then realize you aren’t getting anything in return. Now I am not saying you should expect things in return when you do something for someone but you don’t want to expect it. Ok, I realize that doesn’t’ make sense. I guess what I mean is we should be selfless when doing things for others but we don’t want to let others take advantage. You need to respect yourself and have confidence.

You’re amazing and don’t forget it.

Laina

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Those who know me know I’m not a big fan of the warm and fuzzy. However, my blog post today is all about the importance of connection and relationships. With my background in HR I talk a lot of Human Capital, essentially the ability to measure return on employees. After attending a fantastic meeting this morning I started to think about the importance of Emotional Capital, which by my made up definition is the amount of the warm and fuzzy we get from others. Last night and again this morning I received that in abundance.
Sometimes life gets so busy I tend to not think about the people around me and how truly important they are to my well being. Last year I had a conversation with someone about how many friends I had and I remember replying that I had a lot of acquaintances but not really friends. The person I was talking to seemed to find that strange and asked me what my definition was of friend. I found I really didn’t have one but I just knew I didn’t have any. Their reply to me was they thought that was sad. That conversation has stuck with me all year and has replayed itself in my head almost daily as I have come to realize that I have a lot of great friends. More than most people and probably more than I deserve because the other thing I have learned is friendship is a two way street. Real friends are tough on you to make you a better person and are with you every step of the way on your journey. Friendship, like any relationship, is not easy.
I saw a quote the other day and forgive me for not remembering the author but it said “Friends are the ones who love you when you don’t love yourself” and nothing could be truer. This past year I have found so many people who love me in spite of the fact I thought of them as acquaintances rather than true friends. These people have spent the year investing in my Emotional Capital in a year when I have been bankrupt. I can’t express how lucky I am that these investors believed in me despite of my beliefs in myself.
Remember we all need an investment in our Emotional Capital. My goal for the remainder of the year is daily to thank those people who have made an investment in me with no expectation of return.

Laina

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• You Need To Work on Friendships (brighthub.com)

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One of my favorite inspirational books is This Is Not the Life I Ordered. It is simply a journaling of the main characters and their life stories and their journey’s and how they persevered and were able to receive strength from each other in order to make it through those times of success and failure. I would encourage you to pick up a copy as it is one of those books that is good to have on the book shelf for those times you need a little pick me up. Let’s take today for example. It’s Monday, and because of a lot of craziness in my life, I definitely needed some inspiration to get me going. Throughout this book are quotes that I enjoy and the one today that caught my eye was from Cicely Tyson. It says “Challenges make you discover things about yourself that you never really knew. They’re what make the instrument stretch- what make you go beyond the norm.” What it said to me today is that instead of letting those challenges get us down we need to look at them as ways to make us better. It’s not always easy but it’s a better alternative than being sad and depressed about what might seem like an insurmountable challenge.

Laina

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Chiczofrenic – Barbie & Ken

We all remember back when we were young and it was all about Barbie dolls and Baby Alive. If we had brothers there might be a stretch Armstrong and some Hot Wheels thrown in. However, how many of us played house. Traditional ‘play’ acting for girls and boys alike. Mimicking our parents and grandparents or people we may have watched on television. Is this where we learned that we wanted to have that perfect life? Did the those folks really portray the perfect life? It’s what all the people against Barbie and Ken were fearful of, the ideas that people could be perfect. We played with the perfect Barbie, in her perfect clothes, her perfect corvette, and perfect Ken. Did we feel this was how life was supposed to be? Perfect?

How did you feel the first time you realized that life wasn’t going to be like Barbie and Ken living the life in the Dream House? I know I’ve felt cheated at times. I thought life was supposed to be all rainbows and marshmallows. Damn that fantasy! It set some high expectations that now I must reach or live disappointed. Trying to achieve that dream is what is driving me crazy these days (among others). How about you?

Laina

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As I am laying in bed thinking about why I can’t sleep ( thank goodness for the ability to blog from my iPhone ) I think back to all the recent times where I haven’t been able to sleep and realize most of the time it’s because I can’t let go. Whether it’s obsessing over a work issue or personal one, I seem to spend a lot of time worked up over something that I can’t change. So why do that? I have to think it’s because on some level I haven’t completely realized I can’t change the outcome or maybe it just makes me feel better to stew over it.

Letting go can be hard. When you have time and energy invested in something and you’re emotionally vested it can be hard to just get over it and move on. Especially in relationships.

Getting over a relationship is probably one of the most difficult parts of life. There is no aspect where you are more emotionally vested than in a relationship. Of any kind. As much as that letting go process can be painful it’s a necessary pain. It helps you grow and develop as a person. One needs to always be cognizant of what we are learning from this process. Again not always easy when you’re in the middle of the process but there is always a positive in any situation. At least I like to tell myself that.

I also like to think that when you finally let go another door opens. It may be different than the path you originally thought but that’s ok. Embrace it and realize when letting go you are freeing yourself to accomplish bigger and better things.

Laina

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I was talking to a friend of mine the other day when the call got dropped. I was then talking to the same person later that day and was told another call they had been on got dropped and that both parties then spent about 5 minutes calling each other and getting voice mail and it was frustrating.

This led us to a discussion about who has the responsibility to call back when a call gets dropped. Shouldn’t there be etiquette around this? If there was a rule wouldn’t it save a lot of time wondering if you should be calling back or if you are calling back and you keep getting a busy signal should you stop calling? But then what if they stop calling because they were getting a busy signal too. Look at how complicated it is just to try to reconnect after a dropped call.

Let’s put an end to this frustration and vote. We will take the voice of the majority and it will become official etiquette!

Vote now – polls end May 28th, 2010.

Laina

I am writing this post as I am sitting in a meeting. Yes, I am paying attention but I am great at multi-tasking:)

I just wanted to shout out to all my peeps for your great support and advice in this time of need (and oh my what a need). You are all great friends.

I am also excited as I am on a search to connect with great and interesting women and at this conference I have received some terrific intro’s. Now I just need to organize myself to get all the work done and have Chiczofrenic up and running.

Ok, back to the meeting!!!!!
Laina

I am determined to have a great week this week. I had a productive weekend and so far it is continuing through today (yes I realize it is only 9:30am) but let’s celebrate the small successes.
I pressed the “confirm” button on my fiction book, Stilettos & Scoundrels, to send to final printing. The book will launch March 16th, 2010. I haven’t yet decided if I’m freaked out by this or excited. I have a lot financially riding on this (hence the freaked out part) but surely all my friends will take pity on me and buy it therefore increasing my perceived greatness as an author to my agent and potential publishing houses. I am also having it formatted for Kindle, Sony reader, and Amazon reader. 20% of all pre-sale purchases go to the Indiana MS Society. You can purchase on my website www.lainamolaski.com so help out the MS Society and get your book now. If you’re local you will be able to pick up your copy at any one of the several book signings I am organizing right now. A list will be published within the next couple weeks.
I am waiting for my non-fiction book, But It’s My Business, to come back from my editor any day now so I can put the finishing touches on it and send it off. This book will be out March 30th and will have a companion website with tools and resources (available now) and an iPhone app. This book also will have 20% of all pre-sale orders to the MS Society.
In the meantime I actually need to sell these books and set up some speaking engagements for the non-fiction book. So back to work!!!

Laina

Do you ever have those moments where you know you have a lot to do but are so overwhelmed that you don’t do anything and instead just sit feeling sorry for yourself? So I decided as I was sitting here wasting time trying to figure out where to start I would at least write this blog. As I don’t consider it work and get quite cranky when I can’t post the way I want to. Like last week. Now I was working on my books so at least something I like took me away. My fiction book is now out of my hands at the publisher. For better or worse it is done. My non-fiction book went to the editor after a 2 week delay. I just wasn’t happy with it. Still am not. But I can’t obsess forever. Now I have to jump on the marketing bandwagon. Maybe that’s why I’m a bit locked up. What if I have put all this work into these books and they don’t sell? I’m not at that moment of truth. I can’t say anymore I’m working on a book. They are almost out there for public consumption. I feel I may be in a place where by not doing anything saves me from potentially failing. Instead I can come up with excuses to hide behind. What the hell am I supposed to do with that? Any advice folks??
Laina