The 5 Minute Marriage

I recently had my 1st wedding anniversary (2nd marriage). While I am older and wiser this time around marriage still isn’t easy by any means. 

I think it’s actually harder because I am older and wiser.

Ignorance is sometimes bliss.

There’s no big secret to a successful marriage. Since so many end in divorce, you’d think there would be.

Successful marriages are built on strong communication, trust, and respect. All those things we already know. But for me, I feel the biggest key are those things AND quality time. Note I didn’t say quantity time but quality time.

That’s why Matt (my husband) and I have instituted the 5-minute rule. We spend at least 5 minutes a day talking either in person or on text/phone if I’m traveling for work and not home.

I know you’re probably thinking WHAT? 5 minutes? 

You can’t possibly be serious. 

A strong marriage needs more than 5 minutes a day to be, well, strong.

How can you build a strong marriage in 5 minutes? 

How can you only have 5 minutes to spend with each other?

Though if you have kids you probably aren’t asking me that last question. Between work, the kids, traveling for work and pleasure, I kid you not we don’t have much more than 5 minutes a night to spend together. And sometimes its hard to find that amount of time.

It actually started as a joke. Because we had an increasingly difficult time finding a chance to talk about logistics of the day, much less have couples time. We started putting 5 minutes blocks on our calendars, stretching it to 7 if there was something really important to talk about. But then we realized all joking aside, we looked forward to getting at that 5 minutes together. 

It became exciting to know we would have 5 uninterrupted minutes to chat (and again if you have kids you know that’s a huge accomplishment). Neither of us felt guilty telling the kids it was our 5-minute time slot and not to bother us.

What the time constraints have done for us as a couple is force us to be more purposeful with our time. Not that we don’t love to sit on the couch, hang out, and enjoy each others company but when our days are crazy we work as a team and communicate in that time frame. Figure out who has to do what. That means when we do have the chance to spend more time together we don’t have to spend it talking about boring stuff. We can use it for fun.

My point is you may not have hours on end to spend with your significant other. But you can have a strong relationship if you are purposeful with your time.

I hear a lot of my friends (and I’m guilty of this too) complain about relationships (and not just married ones) blaming lack of time on this issue or that issue. I say that’s a cop-out.

We only have a certain amount of time each day. It is OUR choice how we spend it. We can spend it complaining about how we don’t have enough time or we can make the best use out of the time we have.

What’s your choice?


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— laina

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7 thoughts on “The 5 Minute Marriage

  1. This is such a great idea! I really like the idea of being purposeful. While my husband and I do usually chat or text throughout the day, but we usually don’t talk about anything important. We save that for the evening. His work can be super hectic. He’s a detective that works mainly with sex trafficking cases so he works some long and crazy hours. When he gets home from work I make some time for him to talk about his day. It’s good for him to unload some of what he deals with. Then we can talk about my day and what we want to do that night, etc. I usually have to write notes about what I want to talk to him about at night otherwise I forget to talk to him about it.

    1. Exactly. We started the 5-minute thing because we were always putting off talking until we had time. Well maybe when the kids are in college we will have time and that’s too late.