The 5 Minute Marriage

I recently had my 1st wedding anniversary (2nd marriage). While I am older and wiser this time around marriage still isn’t easy by any means. 

I think it’s actually harder because I am older and wiser.

Ignorance is sometimes bliss.

There’s no big secret to a successful marriage. Since so many end in divorce, you’d think there would be.

Successful marriages are built on strong communication, trust, and respect. All those things we already know. But for me, I feel the biggest key are those things AND quality time. Note I didn’t say quantity time but quality time.

That’s why Matt (my husband) and I have instituted the 5-minute rule. We spend at least 5 minutes a day talking either in person or on text/phone if I’m traveling for work and not home.

I know you’re probably thinking WHAT? 5 minutes? 

You can’t possibly be serious. 

A strong marriage needs more than 5 minutes a day to be, well, strong.

How can you build a strong marriage in 5 minutes? 

How can you only have 5 minutes to spend with each other?

Though if you have kids you probably aren’t asking me that last question. Between work, the kids, traveling for work and pleasure, I kid you not we don’t have much more than 5 minutes a night to spend together. And sometimes its hard to find that amount of time.

It actually started as a joke. Because we had an increasingly difficult time finding a chance to talk about logistics of the day, much less have couples time. We started putting 5 minutes blocks on our calendars, stretching it to 7 if there was something really important to talk about. But then we realized all joking aside, we looked forward to getting at that 5 minutes together. 

It became exciting to know we would have 5 uninterrupted minutes to chat (and again if you have kids you know that’s a huge accomplishment). Neither of us felt guilty telling the kids it was our 5-minute time slot and not to bother us.

What the time constraints have done for us as a couple is force us to be more purposeful with our time. Not that we don’t love to sit on the couch, hang out, and enjoy each others company but when our days are crazy we work as a team and communicate in that time frame. Figure out who has to do what. That means when we do have the chance to spend more time together we don’t have to spend it talking about boring stuff. We can use it for fun.

My point is you may not have hours on end to spend with your significant other. But you can have a strong relationship if you are purposeful with your time.

I hear a lot of my friends (and I’m guilty of this too) complain about relationships (and not just married ones) blaming lack of time on this issue or that issue. I say that’s a cop-out.

We only have a certain amount of time each day. It is OUR choice how we spend it. We can spend it complaining about how we don’t have enough time or we can make the best use out of the time we have.

What’s your choice?


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— laina

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12 thoughts on “The 5 Minute Marriage

  1. This is such a great idea! I really like the idea of being purposeful. While my husband and I do usually chat or text throughout the day, but we usually don’t talk about anything important. We save that for the evening. His work can be super hectic. He’s a detective that works mainly with sex trafficking cases so he works some long and crazy hours. When he gets home from work I make some time for him to talk about his day. It’s good for him to unload some of what he deals with. Then we can talk about my day and what we want to do that night, etc. I usually have to write notes about what I want to talk to him about at night otherwise I forget to talk to him about it.

    1. Exactly. We started the 5-minute thing because we were always putting off talking until we had time. Well maybe when the kids are in college we will have time and that’s too late.

  2. It sounds realistic. Some folks intentionally avoid communicating when something is bothering them, others it is just too busy! Also, I’ve noticed, you can talk and chat with anyone, not just a significant other, and have festering differences that may erupt like a volcano at some point. It is a good to have at least those 5 mins!!!

  3. I totally agree. I think ‘not having enough time’ is just not true – it’s all about your priorities! And these should definitely be the people we love!

  4. This was a wonderful read. As someone who has a husband who works and is in college full time (for engineering), and I work at a salon without set hours, it really can get so hectic that it’s easy to lose that time together. While we always try to make time, I think that I will be telling my husband about the “5 minute rule” and seeing how it would work for us.

  5. I love this concept Laina!

    Although we aren’t married, my boyfriend and I have been together for 8 years. And you really can’t underestimate the power of communication – even if it’s just for a few minutes a day! It can definitely help you stay “connected” to one another.

    You’ve hit the nail on the head with this post! 🙂

  6. Love this Laina! You are so right, any dedicated amount of time together is a good investment. We have one night a week that we dedicate to connecting, with no interruptions (aside from our toddler waking up) and no technology. It’s so good to know that even if our week’s are crazy, we can look forward to that time and use it to talk about anything important.