Why I Hate Parenting


I’ve been a parent for 16 years now and at first, it was a pretty fun gig. I mean who can resist a cute little baby. All chubby and smiley. The cute clothes, the fun toys, showing my son (and daughter) off because everyone loves babies.

But what they don’t tell you when you have these cute little bundles of joy is that they grow up. 

Parenting now, not so much fun. Almost daily I try and give my parenting resignation to my ex-husband and that jerk refuses to accept it. He says if he’s stuck I’m stuck. See why I divorced him? He’s mean (I’m joking we’re best friends). I just think 16 years at one job is good, right. I mean it’s ok for me to move on and see what else is out there. Transfer my skills to a less stressful position that provides a more positive work environment.

There are several reasons I hate being a parent and wanted to share them with the world. Or at least the 3 people who read this blog.

1. Parenting is hard. I wanted a cute baby. Someone to pay my retirement home bill. Maybe hang out with on holidays. Not hard. I did not sign up for hard. I signed up for cute.

2. It’s hard to constantly be told you’re stupid. I mean I’m no genius but surely I’m not the stupidest person on the planet worthy of the utter disdain my teen conveys with his eyes when I speak.

Mom: You want ice cream?

Kid: Silent stare of contempt

Mom: You want to go shopping?

Kid: Silent stare of disgust

Mom: The sky is blue

Kid: How did you get a Ph.D. You’re so stupid.

3. They’re expensive. I could have an entire closet full of Louboutins for what I spend on sports, braces, ESPN, TENNIS SHOES. OMG have you seen the cost of tennis shoes these days?

The cash flows one direction. From my wallet to their hands. It grows on trees you know. 

“Let’s save our money.” Ha! A phrase too hard to understand. 

Kid: What? We’re out of bottled water and I have to drink tap water?

next day

Mom: I bought bottled water today.

Kid: What the heck mom. Are we poor? You bought Wal-Mart brand? You know I like Aquafina.

4. I spend all my free time, and time that isn’t free, driving kids around. I’m an unpaid uber driver who has thankless passengers and I can’t even rate them. 

5. So many dirty dishes. And we all know that putting dirty dishes IN the dishwasher is way too difficult for a teen. In fact, my friend Sheri and I decided you must have an advanced degree to load and unload the dishwasher. Clearly, it’s too hard for a mere teen. Though it took me a while to realize that (but then I’m stupid you know). We need to start small and work up to dishwasher tasks. Like putting the toilet seat down. A losing battle for 15 years.

6. They are nice to other adults. Like your friends. So when you’ve complained about how difficult they are your friends think you’re nuts. Unless they, of course, have kids themselves and then they see it for what it is. The old bait and switch.

Mom: I don’t know what I’m going to do with him. He’s mean and hateful and driving me nuts.

Friend: I so loved taking him to football yesterday. He was a delight. That kid is so funny and charming. You are so lucky.

Mom: Who the f*** did you drive? It wasn’t MY kid.

Teenagers are evil. Sometimes they’re awesome. Mostly, they’re evil.

You wonder how you will ever survive one more day as a parent.

And then THIS happens.

Kid: Mom?

Mom: Yes honey.

Kid: I love you.

You melt. You forget everything that happened in the last 16 years that drove you nuts. In that moment you realize you have the most perfect child on this planet. And how lucky you are to be his mom.

Yes. I sometimes hate being a parent and yet I wouldn’t trade it for a single thing. There is no more rewarding job on earth and I thank God I have my 2 amazing children.

Disclaimer – This post is sarcastic. Yes, these are actual conversations but I don’t really hate parenting. So please no mean comments.

 


— laina